DRINK! … every time someone mentions “the chopping block” or “going home tonight”
DRINK HARDER! … whenever someone says it would suck to go home at this point in the competition
DRINK AGAIN! … every time there’s a montage of faces while dramatic music plays and no words are spoken nor actions taken
CHUG-A-LUG! … for shameless product placement
SLURP IT! … whenever you ask a co-worker about recent developments on this week’s such-and-such
BURP IT UP AND SWALLOW IT BACK DOWN! … when you feel sad when such-and-such loses and/or wins an Emmy
GARGLE IT! … when a person on the show says “it is what it is” or “it’s a game” or “I came to play”
QUAFF THAT SHIT! … whenever God is thanked for anything related to the events transpiring on this week’s such-and-such
DUNK YOUR FACE IN IT AND BLOW BUBBLES! … for use of the word “blindside”
HAVE A GLASS OF WATER! … whenever an insight into modern-day race relations or gender politics is made, because … damn! no one saw that coming!
PUMP YOUR OWN STOMACH! … whenever someone states winning such-and-such has been his or her “dream” for his or her “whole life”
PUMP YOUR NEIGHBOR’S SEPTIC TANK! … whenever the person talking about his or her “dream” has yet to reach the legal voting age
GO BACK TO THE STORE! … whenever you make it all the way through your DVR backlog, but hurry — you don’t have time to waste!