Responses We’ve Received Leading Us to Believe Our Web Guy Doesn’t Really Want to Help, He Just Wants to Quote Aliens

Q. “I’m getting some strange errors on the home page.”
A. “I only need to know one thing: where … they … are!” [makes shooting gesture]

Q. “Topher, you got a second? Got some stuff I need to talk to you about.”
A. “Is this gonna be a daily standup, sir, or another bug-hunt?”

Q. “Meredith from marketing has some ideas about the site.”
A. “Yeah? Why don’t you put her in charge?!”

Q. [approaching new computer] “Is this your new server? Niiiiice!”
A. “Get away from her, you bitch!”

Q. “Sooo, um … what do you think it would take to fix these problems?”
A. “I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”