John Mandler: So you said you weren’t going to self-publish again, and then you did anyway.
Kristopher Kelly: Exactly.
JM: Feel good about that?
JM: Why did you do it?
KK: I thought it would make a good Kindle Single. I thought they’d accept it. I’d read a lot of Singles. Thought this was definitely on par, if not better. Shows what I know.
JM: And so?
KK: Just got word back. Another one for the rejection pile.
JM: That’s a shame.
KK: I know.
JM: I’m not even real, am I?
KK: Afraid not. This is another self-interview on a mostly-ignored blog about a self-published book that’s going nowhere.
JM: Oh yeah, how are sales?
JM: Are you quite done with self-publishing, then?
KK: Who can say. Probably. Maybe. I think so. I don’t know.
JM: You submit a piece to McSweeney’s again this week?
KK: Sure did.
JM: Good luck with that. You gonna be all right, hoss?
KK: More or less. What’s that the reality competition people always say? “You ain’t seen the last of me!”
JM: So we’ve not seen the last of you?
KK: I dunno. I hope not. But this one hurts.
KK: Kick to the groin.
JM: Slap to the face.
KK: Stick in the eye.
JM: A muddy one.
KK: I thought it was a great story. I thought it would connect.
JM: Yeah. Writers always think that. Not always true, is it?
KK: No, indeed.
JM: Will you start submitting to real places, please?
KK: Yes. I guess.
JM: Will you quit fucking around and focus on editing those novels?
JM: Good. Now get out of here, chump. I’m sick of talking about you.