Reasons I’m Moving My Social Networking Activity Behind a Paywall

This should come as no surprise to my Facebook friends, who’ve long known me for quality status updates and only the most salient and amusing links, but, to quell some of the recent controversy (based in large part on gross misunderstandings), I’ve decided to offer a modest explanation for my recent decision to move my profile page behind a paywall.

Put simply: Baby photos and family portraits do not come cheap. Photographers, editors, and fact-checkers all have to be paid for the work they do crafting my updates and photo albums. Even the interns I employ need to have a few free lunches thrown their way while they comb Gawker and Jezebel and The Onion and YouTube for links and videos.

Going behind a paywall will allow the staff here to continue delivering polished self-obsession, but it will also allow us to step up our game. For example, we hope to reopen our foreign offices and report to you the details of all my amazing vacations abroad. Without your support, I might not be able to take those vacations at all, and you would miss out on all my beach and snorkeling adventures. The documentary crews hired to cover my parasailing adventures and my horseback riding journey across Patagonia would have to be laid off, and my hot-air balloons would have to be sold. Indeed, it’s likely we would be forced to shutter all overseas bureaus and report solely on local updates happening around my one-bedroom apartment, which covers primarily what I had for dinner last night, what’s happening on television, and the latest faces my children have made.

Similarly, my Twitter and Tumblr accounts have become far too time-consuming to continue without a full-time staff and will likewise have to be subscription-only. All social networking requires a careful editorial eye to maintain a reasonable level of quality, and I care about maintaining the @burritofan34 brand.

We also have exciting new projects in the works for the coming months that you won’t want to miss out on. For example, we have set up a Kickstarter campaign for those interested in helping us produce an ebook version of my collected tweets, links, and updates. Buy it later or fund it now and receive framed, signed copies of my most retweeted bon mots.

This choice was not easy, but I hope it is clear that the aim is to deliver more rather than less. It takes a lot of work to bring you the highest quality me possible. We believe you will agree the investment will be worth it.

1 comment
  1. Kristopher Kelly said:

    [Okay, so I don’t really have any children.]

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